A terrible poetic potential in old crockery
symbolic of so much lacking
Faded, painful ghostly memories conjured as one alone rummages through her kitchen cupboards
Like a rat in winter, sneezing-
discovering the pots and pans previously brandished by her home-bodied other past halves
They are now left empty, clanging, angry, bitter, unto alternate existences.
She no longer needs them, surely.
A reliable kettle and microwave to settle the evening
Truly, I can order myself flowers when I need them, but it just doesn’t feel the same.
I release expectations and welcome my next tea set.
From the APP: The Pattern
Frustration and blocks: Relationships
Your most fulfilling relationships, where you’re truly able to be yourself, will come later in life. A literal boundary could be inhibiting you — someone ideal living in another city (SF!) or you’re involved with someone else already.
You’re attracted to someone different. Elusive, hard to figure out; but this unattainable quality is intriguing. you want to date someone who stands out.
They often wind up being cold, unreliable and controlling. Emotionally unavailable, or caught up being intellectual or different. …
I decided to not sleep early. I decided to not wake up and do my morning routine.
I’m not a robot, I’m imperfect, I’m human.
All the rigidity that I try to seek, to be a prime follower of Marcus Aurelius — sometimes, I don’t want to keep it up.
My foot hurts because of this stupid blister.
My heart hurts because I took a step back.
After 11 years in a (extremely loving) relationship, perhaps it’s time to prioritise myself and sit with any uncomfortable feelings.
I am my best company, after all.
I find it interesting how I…
लक्ष्मी - the Hindu Goddess of wealth, fortune, youth, beauty, power, fertility and auspiciousness.
She holds the promise of material fulfilment and contentment. She is described as restless, whimsical yet maternal, with her arms raised to bless and to grant. She represents the material world of the earthly realm as the mother goddess.
Beautiful goddess seated on a chariot,
Delighted by songs on lustful elephants,
Bedecked with lotuses, pearls and gems,
Lustrous as fire, radiant as gold,
Resplendent as the sun, calm as the moon,
Mistress of cows and horses —
Take away poverty and misfortune
Bring joy, riches, harvest and children…
Like Erebus and Nyx, we communed in darkness to manifest light.
Your testosterone veins bled for significance.
The beauty of anonymity should have superseded;
but the indulgence of silent acknowledgement
too tempting. I stroke, I pet you erect; inflate
uncontrollably. Kiss me quickly
before I say
What a seemingly harmless question asked during my Arabic class today! Most students would usually reply, “Sky diving! Scuba diving! Traveling!” Unfortunately, my poor teacher received a deeply convoluted, half-baked answer, which in itself needed a lot of self-unpacking.
And what did I do straight after? Googled it, of course. (and Reddit)
I wanted to know what others say. I wanted to know what others recommend. Actually, I also wanted a useful framework to take away and write about.
“Look at your experiences with loving eyes and give space for the darkness to emerge. Unfinished business will always find a way, usually inside our most intimate relationships to be seen and seek healing. Recognize your own innocence and acknowledge that you were wounded in a time where you felt helpless. Since you cannot escape the pain of the past, your only option, if you wish to heal, is to feel all of the grief, sadness, anger, and eventually forgiveness that accompanies these hurts.”
I forgive my mother, truly.
“You are one in a sea of billions of people who…
Does piling on each piece of carefully curated ink-work slowly collate you towards your whole and completed self?
Like a 10,000 puzzle piece, the final image is revealed.
And as you age, the wrinkled hide and tired dyes droop dramatically over your jaded bones.
Skin you alive, whilst you’re young. Preserve and pickle you up before your expiry date.
Like a fine piece of artwork draped across my walls.
Who wants to live forever, anyway?
Orinthia — an unconventionally beautiful woman.
“Give me a goddess’ work to do; and I will do it. … do not pretend that people become great by doing great things. They do great things because they are great, if the great things come along. But they are great just the same when the great things do not come along. If i never did anything but sit in this room, I should still be heavens above the millions of common women who do their domestic duty, and sacrifice themselves, and run trade departments and all the rest of the vulgarities…Thank God…
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.”
A mantra passed onto me from my yoga teacher, today. When I repeated it to myself during class, a strange sensation to weep emerged from my belly. Feel like I’ve been needing to for a while, I guess.
Modern day life is too tough on ourselves. Societal roles as a female. Expectations from family. From yourself. From your friends. Contrived variations of expectations which you think people hold of you, but are entirely self-created.
I was carrying the feeling of self-hatred and guilt from something superbly inconsequential. I’ll spit it…