“Look at your experiences with loving eyes and give space for the darkness to emerge. Unfinished business will always find a way, usually inside our most intimate relationships to be seen and seek healing. Recognize your own innocence and acknowledge that you were wounded in a time where you felt helpless. Since you cannot escape the pain of the past, your only option, if you wish to heal, is to feel all of the grief, sadness, anger, and eventually forgiveness that accompanies these hurts.”
I forgive my mother, truly.
“You are one in a sea of billions of people who have past hurts, traumas, and chains from the past. People whose spirits have been broken, hearts have been mistreated, those who have lost love and felt the pain of abandonment.”
“ If you’ve been taught that you’re only lovable in a certain emotional state: most likely happy, content and agreeable, then your growing edge will be to bring your sadness, fears and your vulnerability to a partner or close friend. When I say “bring your sadness” to someone, I don’t mean dump on someone without permission and expect them to save you from your pain. Bringing your emotions to another person is an act of revealing yourself in a vulnerable way, without expectation. This is an open invitation for a loved one to hold space for you and remind you that you don’t have to do everything alone. You let love in by accepting compliments, hugs, gifts that may be offered to you, or invitations extended to you. One of the hardest things to do for someone with an abandonment wound is to let love in. You expose yourself to the risk of being hurt or betrayed or worse, abandoned all over again. Learning how to trust others is intrinsically linked to learning how to trust that you’re worthy of receiving love and support. Be gentle with yourself throughout the process, there’s no race to the finish line!”
—
A mother’s wound:
- (For females) constantly comparing yourself with, and competing against, other females
- Sabotaging yourself when you experience happiness or success
- Possessing weak boundaries and an inability to say “no”
- Self-blaming and low self-esteem that manifests itself as the core belief: “There is something wrong with me”
- Co-dependency in relationships
- Minimizing yourself to be likable and accepted
- The inability to speak up authentically and express your emotions fully
- Sacrificing your dreams and desires for other people unnecessarily
- Waiting for your mother’s permission on an unconscious level to truly live life
3. Find your inner source of unconditional love
While you may not have received unconditional love from your mother, you can find it within yourself. A big part of my own healing process has been learning how to re-parent my inner child. Learning how to love myself has revealed to me a deep well of endless love that supports, cherishes and wants the very best for me. This very same source of love is within you as well. As you slowly dissolve the limiting beliefs and perceptions you have about yourself and the world, you will find it easy to transform your desire for outer support to inner acceptance.
- In the deepest part of me, I feel that there’s something wrong with me.
- I experience anxiety whenever contemplating doing something new.
- I’m a people-pleaser and tend to lack a strong identity.
- I’m a rebel. I feel more alive when I’m in conflict with others.
- I tend to hoard things and have trouble letting go.
- I feel guilty standing up for myself.
- I feel inadequate as a man or woman.
- I’m driven to always be a super-achiever.
- I consider myself a terrible sinner and I’m afraid of going to hell.
- I constantly criticize myself for being inadequate.
- I’m rigid and perfectionistic.
- I have trouble starting or finishing things.
- I’m ashamed of expressing strong emotions such as sadness or anger.
- I rarely get mad, but when I do, I become rageful.
- I have sex when I don’t really want to.
- I’m ashamed of my bodily functions.
- I spend too much time looking at pornography.
- I distrust everyone, including myself.
- I am an addict or have been addicted to something.
- I avoid conflict at all costs.
- I am afraid of people and tend to avoid them.
- I feel more responsible for others than for myself.
- I never felt close to one or both of my parents.
- My deepest fear is being abandoned and I’ll do anything to hold onto a relationship.
- I struggle to say “no.”
“It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.”
Practicing Non-Attachment In Your Life
A few steps:
- Develop your own sense of security rather than seeking it externally
- Develop healthier boundaries — a separation of self and everything else
- Deepen your connection to the universe, not just the other person
duuuuude
and one more for the record.
